My feelings of missing skating and derby are stronger every day. I must keep going with my path so that I can get back to it and be healthy. I must. On that supportive and positive note:
Today was one of those feeling down about my workout days. I added in weights...Not as good as it was when I stopped several months ago. Didn't expect it to be, but still feel less of a 'strong' woman that I thought I would. I also started to split my exercises up and alter what I push myself on. I started on the treadmill. Here is my biggest let down of the day. Ready for it? I ran for a minute. One single lousy minute. (I held on to the railing the whole time as to not fall.) I could complain that my foot was bugging me, that I had already fast walked over half a mile, I haven't really "ran" in like 8 years. But it doesn't matter what I say, what excuse I come up with (no matter how true), I suck. That's how I feel. Yes, I know I am starting out and can't expect to be great. But I can't help but notice that I am not even on the scale of greatness....at all. Hopefully that is the biggest YET of my life. I am not expecting to go run marathons. Maybe, just maybe, eventually, possibly make it to do a 5k, in like 10 years.... Okay, maybe not 10 years, but still. I just want to be able to. Be "normal" in a world where I try to be unique. Funny how life works.
Weights. The anti-fun for a shoulder that had surgery. From what I have figured out so far, the best way to stabilize the joints is to strengthen the muscles around the tendons and work VERY hard to not hyperextend joints during weights, or any exercise for that matter. I am back to a simple 3lbs weights for my extended arm exercises. But last time that worked up pretty fast, so I am not too worried about it. Feel a little weak and wimpy, but not compared to that stupid minute.
Seriously, what is a freaking minute? When you are doing something you hate or that hurts it is the LONGEST 60 seconds. When you are having fun a minute is a blink of time. When you try to beat the clock the time goes slower than when you are wishing time would stand still. A minute of itself can mean so much. Is it a New York Minute? Or a California Minute? When you knock a minute off of your time running, or skating it's a big thing! When you run for that straight it's a little thing. The fact that I have shaved a whole minute of my mile doesn't mean much when that minute was virtually spent running and that being the only minute of running.
It's funny, every time I think of running I always think of my 1SG from high school JROTC. There were many lessons he taught me and the other students. A big influence. But one thing that I never could do in class was run. I knew I couldn't. I knew I would suck. So I never did it. I did enough to seem like I tried. 1SG would try all he could. I dream of the day that I can go to him and say, watch me run this mile, WITHOUT stopping. I one day want to make him proud. Make myself proud. Be able to do something I have never been able to do. Be a trendsetter in my life. Is there anything in your life you want to be a trendsetter for? What do you strive for? What do you have to prove? Or loose?
~ <3 Kiss My Blarney
Sunday, February 10, 2013
Tuesday, February 5, 2013
Treadmill Vs. Balance
So those that personally know me know that I am a klutz. A huge one. I might need some advice from some of those that read this....
The treadmill. A moving yet stationary machine that confuses the hell out of my balance. I usually have balance issues. One ear drum has a permanent hole in it and the other one doesn't equalize pressure correctly. Most times I can fake balance, but apparently exercising, drinking, and being tired are three things that make it so I can't. I am eternally afraid to let go while on the treadmill. I would love, (not love, not severely hate either...) to *TRY* to run on the treadmill. Granted I know that I would be able to run like 10 steps. HA. But, I eventually want to build my endurance and start running. Every time I let go to one hand I start feeling like I am leaning to the side. Either side. If I let go both hands I am practically walking sideways. Right now it isn't the biggest deal in life, I am working on my legs building endurance so that I can work on my lungs and cardio. Any advice?
So today I wanted to try to push myself on the bike. (Not that I hadn't been doing it anyway.) I did two and a half miles on the bike in 11 minutes and 50 seconds on level 10. This was probably the first time that my breathing got heavy while biking. I want to get my speed up so that I can work on my distance. I feel like most people go for time on it, but I always race the clock. Yet, when I was doing the elliptical I couldn't help but focus on distance. The longest distance in the fastest time. I guess either way you do it you still get a workout and still can measure your advancement.
My fiance made a suggestion on the treadmill, to start at an incline. That wasn't the brilliant of ideas. I mean it was a good thing, even a great thing eventually. I tried an incline of 1.0 and did a half mile in 10 minutes and 55 seconds. That means I am slower, but I think after 2.5 miles on the bike plus the incline it's excusable. My legs definitely felt the slight difference as I couldn't actually go as fast. Yesterday I started to vary my speed throughout my workout, instead of a constant speed. I would go from 3.0 speed to 3.3 and hold for a minute. Then go up to 3.5 for a minute, then back down and stay at 3.3 for two minutes. And back and forth. I couldn't even go up to 3.5 speed on the incline today. I did push myself for the last minute and do it at speed of 3.3.
That's it for today I guess. I am kinda anxious to start back with weights and the elliptical. Maybe I will start those back in slowly next week. I am game for any advice or challenges if anyone has any. (Reasonable challenges. Remember, I am a fat kid!!)
~ <3 Kiss My Blarney
The treadmill. A moving yet stationary machine that confuses the hell out of my balance. I usually have balance issues. One ear drum has a permanent hole in it and the other one doesn't equalize pressure correctly. Most times I can fake balance, but apparently exercising, drinking, and being tired are three things that make it so I can't. I am eternally afraid to let go while on the treadmill. I would love, (not love, not severely hate either...) to *TRY* to run on the treadmill. Granted I know that I would be able to run like 10 steps. HA. But, I eventually want to build my endurance and start running. Every time I let go to one hand I start feeling like I am leaning to the side. Either side. If I let go both hands I am practically walking sideways. Right now it isn't the biggest deal in life, I am working on my legs building endurance so that I can work on my lungs and cardio. Any advice?
So today I wanted to try to push myself on the bike. (Not that I hadn't been doing it anyway.) I did two and a half miles on the bike in 11 minutes and 50 seconds on level 10. This was probably the first time that my breathing got heavy while biking. I want to get my speed up so that I can work on my distance. I feel like most people go for time on it, but I always race the clock. Yet, when I was doing the elliptical I couldn't help but focus on distance. The longest distance in the fastest time. I guess either way you do it you still get a workout and still can measure your advancement.
My fiance made a suggestion on the treadmill, to start at an incline. That wasn't the brilliant of ideas. I mean it was a good thing, even a great thing eventually. I tried an incline of 1.0 and did a half mile in 10 minutes and 55 seconds. That means I am slower, but I think after 2.5 miles on the bike plus the incline it's excusable. My legs definitely felt the slight difference as I couldn't actually go as fast. Yesterday I started to vary my speed throughout my workout, instead of a constant speed. I would go from 3.0 speed to 3.3 and hold for a minute. Then go up to 3.5 for a minute, then back down and stay at 3.3 for two minutes. And back and forth. I couldn't even go up to 3.5 speed on the incline today. I did push myself for the last minute and do it at speed of 3.3.
That's it for today I guess. I am kinda anxious to start back with weights and the elliptical. Maybe I will start those back in slowly next week. I am game for any advice or challenges if anyone has any. (Reasonable challenges. Remember, I am a fat kid!!)
~ <3 Kiss My Blarney
Friday, February 1, 2013
Learning will NEVER end
So I am a little worried about getting deeper into exercising. I am afraid to hurt myself. As most of you know already I always seem to be injured. I have two different conditions that I think highly affect my ability to work out, stay healthy, and pretty much do anything else.
Hypermobility. When I was 13 I was sent to a physical therapist for my back. I was having chronic back pain and they found that I had osteoarthritis in my upper spine. At the physical therapist they did some joint tests and figured out that all my joints are hypermobile. Basically I can bend more than I am suppose to. I am more flexible than most people of my size. I am a big girl and I can touch the floor. There are lots of times when I feel my knees give when I walk, my hip can pull itself out of socket slightly when I go up or down stairs, and my ankles are usually swollen because I strained it without knowing. (This goes hand in hand with the fact that some muscle groups are extra tight, like my hamstrings.) I'm not necessarily afraid pulling joints out of socket. Been there, done that, had surgery to fix it. I am more concerned about whether I am going to accidentally strain something. I want to strengthen my muscles, not tear my tendons. But because of the Hypermobility it makes it very hard. My joints are not stable. I can roll my ankle just standing still. My knees go back to far, I don't know where my knees "lock" standing up. And with my recent back strain this concern is getting more and more real. I am ready for a change. I want to be healthier.
The other condition is Raynaud's. Some call it a disease, or syndrome, or even phenomenon. Either way it sucks. Raynaud's is when your blood vessels constrict when cold. I usually am cold. If I sit still for any length of time I will get cold, it could be 80 degrees out. When I get cold I have an "attack." It can be just my hands turning white then blue, or my skin turning purple. Sometimes when it's cold my hands get stiff, like not being able to control it stiff. My fingers are hard to bend and control. I can barely hold pencils or type when it gets too bad. When my hands get stiff they seem to swell up and turn red. If I get too hot my hands swell where I can't grip. I can't open bottles to drink, hold pencils, or do anything that requires tight grip. My feet are a completely different story. My feet are ALWAYS cold. I hate it when my feet get hot or sweaty so I usually never wear socks or shoes unless I'm freezing. My feet are usually blueish or purpleish color, unless they get hot then turn red. I have noticed when I work out my feet go numb sometimes. I think that is because of Raynaud's. It also sucks to get into a warm shower when I am cold. I can't just turn on the hot water and get in. It burns too much. I have to start at lukewarm and go up from there. It hurts to go from really cold to really hot. My hands will get too cold, then go numb. If I go inside a hot building they turn red and get so hot that I can't cool them off. And that change is not comfortable at all. One reaction that I have is my legs and arms itch when I get hot, especially if in a cold room. When I was a kid everyone I asked blamed it on the fact that I was a big kid. Either I was too big and didn't exercise enough, my pores were blocked, or something else. Now I know different. It gets annoying. My friends and I will dance on the xbox and my arms will itch like crazy as they warm up and blood starts flowing. That's more annoying than painful.
I am starting to think that I need to seek medical help to find out safe ways to deal with both of these issues while starting an exercise routine. I don't want to have another joint injury... I am pretty sure the physical therapist and the orthopedic doctor are tired of seeing me by now. And I feel half the time that it's in my head. I know it's not, but I fear that it is sometimes. Put always having joint injuries, plus random accidental injuries, and normal sickness... I'm pretty sure I spend more time at doctors than most "normal" people. With both these issues they can be symptoms of bigger issues. Hopefully they aren't. At this point none of my doctors and specialist feel that they are connected to anything bigger, but that can change as more symptoms come to light.
All I want is to be able to be healthy. If I hurt or feel like a joint is not right, I am not making excuses. I am trying to preserve what is left of my already difficult body.
I am a little worried about people reading this. I tell people who ask, usually about my cold hands, but this is different. I don't want pity about it. And I am severely afraid that people will think I am just making excuses for my size, my health, my workout habits. I know there is a lot of changes that need to be done in my life besides my workouts, like eating habits. But I am going to be doing the best I can. All I ask is peoples support and understanding.
If you would like to read up a little on both of my issues here are two links for each. There are several sites out there with information on both of them.
http://www.nhlbi.nih.gov/health/health-topics/topics/raynaud/
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/raynauds-disease/DS00433
http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/003295.htm
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/hypermobility/AN01646
~ <3 Kiss My Blarney
Hypermobility. When I was 13 I was sent to a physical therapist for my back. I was having chronic back pain and they found that I had osteoarthritis in my upper spine. At the physical therapist they did some joint tests and figured out that all my joints are hypermobile. Basically I can bend more than I am suppose to. I am more flexible than most people of my size. I am a big girl and I can touch the floor. There are lots of times when I feel my knees give when I walk, my hip can pull itself out of socket slightly when I go up or down stairs, and my ankles are usually swollen because I strained it without knowing. (This goes hand in hand with the fact that some muscle groups are extra tight, like my hamstrings.) I'm not necessarily afraid pulling joints out of socket. Been there, done that, had surgery to fix it. I am more concerned about whether I am going to accidentally strain something. I want to strengthen my muscles, not tear my tendons. But because of the Hypermobility it makes it very hard. My joints are not stable. I can roll my ankle just standing still. My knees go back to far, I don't know where my knees "lock" standing up. And with my recent back strain this concern is getting more and more real. I am ready for a change. I want to be healthier.
The other condition is Raynaud's. Some call it a disease, or syndrome, or even phenomenon. Either way it sucks. Raynaud's is when your blood vessels constrict when cold. I usually am cold. If I sit still for any length of time I will get cold, it could be 80 degrees out. When I get cold I have an "attack." It can be just my hands turning white then blue, or my skin turning purple. Sometimes when it's cold my hands get stiff, like not being able to control it stiff. My fingers are hard to bend and control. I can barely hold pencils or type when it gets too bad. When my hands get stiff they seem to swell up and turn red. If I get too hot my hands swell where I can't grip. I can't open bottles to drink, hold pencils, or do anything that requires tight grip. My feet are a completely different story. My feet are ALWAYS cold. I hate it when my feet get hot or sweaty so I usually never wear socks or shoes unless I'm freezing. My feet are usually blueish or purpleish color, unless they get hot then turn red. I have noticed when I work out my feet go numb sometimes. I think that is because of Raynaud's. It also sucks to get into a warm shower when I am cold. I can't just turn on the hot water and get in. It burns too much. I have to start at lukewarm and go up from there. It hurts to go from really cold to really hot. My hands will get too cold, then go numb. If I go inside a hot building they turn red and get so hot that I can't cool them off. And that change is not comfortable at all. One reaction that I have is my legs and arms itch when I get hot, especially if in a cold room. When I was a kid everyone I asked blamed it on the fact that I was a big kid. Either I was too big and didn't exercise enough, my pores were blocked, or something else. Now I know different. It gets annoying. My friends and I will dance on the xbox and my arms will itch like crazy as they warm up and blood starts flowing. That's more annoying than painful.
I am starting to think that I need to seek medical help to find out safe ways to deal with both of these issues while starting an exercise routine. I don't want to have another joint injury... I am pretty sure the physical therapist and the orthopedic doctor are tired of seeing me by now. And I feel half the time that it's in my head. I know it's not, but I fear that it is sometimes. Put always having joint injuries, plus random accidental injuries, and normal sickness... I'm pretty sure I spend more time at doctors than most "normal" people. With both these issues they can be symptoms of bigger issues. Hopefully they aren't. At this point none of my doctors and specialist feel that they are connected to anything bigger, but that can change as more symptoms come to light.
All I want is to be able to be healthy. If I hurt or feel like a joint is not right, I am not making excuses. I am trying to preserve what is left of my already difficult body.
I am a little worried about people reading this. I tell people who ask, usually about my cold hands, but this is different. I don't want pity about it. And I am severely afraid that people will think I am just making excuses for my size, my health, my workout habits. I know there is a lot of changes that need to be done in my life besides my workouts, like eating habits. But I am going to be doing the best I can. All I ask is peoples support and understanding.
If you would like to read up a little on both of my issues here are two links for each. There are several sites out there with information on both of them.
http://www.nhlbi.nih.gov/health/health-topics/topics/raynaud/
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/raynauds-disease/DS00433
http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/003295.htm
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/hypermobility/AN01646
~ <3 Kiss My Blarney
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