Hi. My name is Kiss My Blarney and I am an emotional eater. Until you start eating right and go through something you may never know if you are or not. You have to be SUPER aware of your eating habits. Damn. I don't think I really ever wanted to find out.
So, since my last blog, my last living Grandma passed away and I got married. The night that I found out my Grandma was basically on her last night was rough. It was a complete surprise. I was doing great with my eating and working out. All I wanted was a huge muffin and a sweet drink. I have resisted eating those huge oversized muffins for almost a month. I caved. I had one. And it was good. But afterward I felt bad. I shouldn't use life events to rationalize my eating habits. Not only did I start eating for comfort I also for the first time truly felt the urge to not work out. It wasn't there. I know when you are sick you don't feel like working out. This was different. There was no drive to do anything. That's a rough feeling. Looking back maybe if I forced myself to workout I would have felt better, maybe not. All I could imagine doing at that point was going home, laying down, and just being. It was a really rough time and there are still going to be rough moments. It's not something that is going to go away, especially the week before I got married. I will always remember that. I know the healing process will take a while.
Rest In Peace Grandma R. I really hope you are proud of me in my life.
Now on to happier moments. I got married! It was a flash. A whole week of crazy: not much sleeping, last minute working, seeing lots of people I haven't seen, and a WHOLE lot of not working out. I know I know. But it's hard to drive 30 minutes to work to workout when I am on vacation. I brought workout clothes on the honeymoon, but no gym. I tried!!! So my husband is thinking of getting his personal trainer certification. I really hope he does. Now when you picture him ( I give you permission) he is not a big person, he is quite fit. He used to be, but that is his story to tell not mine. I am so proud of the lifestyle he lives and I know that he will help me in the way that I need it most and always support me. He is going to try to research my hypermobility and come up with exercises that will help and not hinder me. Isn't he amazing! :)
So I have been wearing a pair of Nike shoes that are a little tight on my toes and just overall not the best. My husband took me running shoe shopping! Not that I "run" but working out I need shoes to support my feet and knees. I had a huge meltdown over the price of shoes. HOLY CRAP. Running shoes are expensive. We went to Dick's Sporting Goods and after the freak out and getting him his crazy minimalist running shoes, we decided to go to Shoe Carnival and see what they had for a little cheaper. I ended up getting some New Balance shoes. (Funny thing, I had forgot the brand of his until I put my box next to his and realized we got the same brand!) I had no idea what to look for in a running shoe. Granted this is a trail and error process. The shoes I got may or may not be the right ones. But they seemed the best for me. The have enough support that my feet feel cushy when I jump or jog in place. The shoes are light enough that I don't feel like I have bricks on my feet. And most important to me, the shoe breathes. Yes, those of you with imagination will see in your head a shoe that has a lung and breathes. I never realized the difference of a shoe that breathed and one that didn't until I had two difference shoes on. The one I ended up getting kept my foot at a more even temperature. I am assuming it has to do with Raynaud's. I can't stand when my feet got hot. Hopefully this will help. I will keep you guys posted on the shoes!
~ <3 Kiss My Blarney
Friday, March 1, 2013
Sunday, February 10, 2013
I'm not suppose to be great.....YET
My feelings of missing skating and derby are stronger every day. I must keep going with my path so that I can get back to it and be healthy. I must. On that supportive and positive note:
Today was one of those feeling down about my workout days. I added in weights...Not as good as it was when I stopped several months ago. Didn't expect it to be, but still feel less of a 'strong' woman that I thought I would. I also started to split my exercises up and alter what I push myself on. I started on the treadmill. Here is my biggest let down of the day. Ready for it? I ran for a minute. One single lousy minute. (I held on to the railing the whole time as to not fall.) I could complain that my foot was bugging me, that I had already fast walked over half a mile, I haven't really "ran" in like 8 years. But it doesn't matter what I say, what excuse I come up with (no matter how true), I suck. That's how I feel. Yes, I know I am starting out and can't expect to be great. But I can't help but notice that I am not even on the scale of greatness....at all. Hopefully that is the biggest YET of my life. I am not expecting to go run marathons. Maybe, just maybe, eventually, possibly make it to do a 5k, in like 10 years.... Okay, maybe not 10 years, but still. I just want to be able to. Be "normal" in a world where I try to be unique. Funny how life works.
Weights. The anti-fun for a shoulder that had surgery. From what I have figured out so far, the best way to stabilize the joints is to strengthen the muscles around the tendons and work VERY hard to not hyperextend joints during weights, or any exercise for that matter. I am back to a simple 3lbs weights for my extended arm exercises. But last time that worked up pretty fast, so I am not too worried about it. Feel a little weak and wimpy, but not compared to that stupid minute.
Seriously, what is a freaking minute? When you are doing something you hate or that hurts it is the LONGEST 60 seconds. When you are having fun a minute is a blink of time. When you try to beat the clock the time goes slower than when you are wishing time would stand still. A minute of itself can mean so much. Is it a New York Minute? Or a California Minute? When you knock a minute off of your time running, or skating it's a big thing! When you run for that straight it's a little thing. The fact that I have shaved a whole minute of my mile doesn't mean much when that minute was virtually spent running and that being the only minute of running.
It's funny, every time I think of running I always think of my 1SG from high school JROTC. There were many lessons he taught me and the other students. A big influence. But one thing that I never could do in class was run. I knew I couldn't. I knew I would suck. So I never did it. I did enough to seem like I tried. 1SG would try all he could. I dream of the day that I can go to him and say, watch me run this mile, WITHOUT stopping. I one day want to make him proud. Make myself proud. Be able to do something I have never been able to do. Be a trendsetter in my life. Is there anything in your life you want to be a trendsetter for? What do you strive for? What do you have to prove? Or loose?
~ <3 Kiss My Blarney
Today was one of those feeling down about my workout days. I added in weights...Not as good as it was when I stopped several months ago. Didn't expect it to be, but still feel less of a 'strong' woman that I thought I would. I also started to split my exercises up and alter what I push myself on. I started on the treadmill. Here is my biggest let down of the day. Ready for it? I ran for a minute. One single lousy minute. (I held on to the railing the whole time as to not fall.) I could complain that my foot was bugging me, that I had already fast walked over half a mile, I haven't really "ran" in like 8 years. But it doesn't matter what I say, what excuse I come up with (no matter how true), I suck. That's how I feel. Yes, I know I am starting out and can't expect to be great. But I can't help but notice that I am not even on the scale of greatness....at all. Hopefully that is the biggest YET of my life. I am not expecting to go run marathons. Maybe, just maybe, eventually, possibly make it to do a 5k, in like 10 years.... Okay, maybe not 10 years, but still. I just want to be able to. Be "normal" in a world where I try to be unique. Funny how life works.
Weights. The anti-fun for a shoulder that had surgery. From what I have figured out so far, the best way to stabilize the joints is to strengthen the muscles around the tendons and work VERY hard to not hyperextend joints during weights, or any exercise for that matter. I am back to a simple 3lbs weights for my extended arm exercises. But last time that worked up pretty fast, so I am not too worried about it. Feel a little weak and wimpy, but not compared to that stupid minute.
Seriously, what is a freaking minute? When you are doing something you hate or that hurts it is the LONGEST 60 seconds. When you are having fun a minute is a blink of time. When you try to beat the clock the time goes slower than when you are wishing time would stand still. A minute of itself can mean so much. Is it a New York Minute? Or a California Minute? When you knock a minute off of your time running, or skating it's a big thing! When you run for that straight it's a little thing. The fact that I have shaved a whole minute of my mile doesn't mean much when that minute was virtually spent running and that being the only minute of running.
It's funny, every time I think of running I always think of my 1SG from high school JROTC. There were many lessons he taught me and the other students. A big influence. But one thing that I never could do in class was run. I knew I couldn't. I knew I would suck. So I never did it. I did enough to seem like I tried. 1SG would try all he could. I dream of the day that I can go to him and say, watch me run this mile, WITHOUT stopping. I one day want to make him proud. Make myself proud. Be able to do something I have never been able to do. Be a trendsetter in my life. Is there anything in your life you want to be a trendsetter for? What do you strive for? What do you have to prove? Or loose?
~ <3 Kiss My Blarney
Tuesday, February 5, 2013
Treadmill Vs. Balance
So those that personally know me know that I am a klutz. A huge one. I might need some advice from some of those that read this....
The treadmill. A moving yet stationary machine that confuses the hell out of my balance. I usually have balance issues. One ear drum has a permanent hole in it and the other one doesn't equalize pressure correctly. Most times I can fake balance, but apparently exercising, drinking, and being tired are three things that make it so I can't. I am eternally afraid to let go while on the treadmill. I would love, (not love, not severely hate either...) to *TRY* to run on the treadmill. Granted I know that I would be able to run like 10 steps. HA. But, I eventually want to build my endurance and start running. Every time I let go to one hand I start feeling like I am leaning to the side. Either side. If I let go both hands I am practically walking sideways. Right now it isn't the biggest deal in life, I am working on my legs building endurance so that I can work on my lungs and cardio. Any advice?
So today I wanted to try to push myself on the bike. (Not that I hadn't been doing it anyway.) I did two and a half miles on the bike in 11 minutes and 50 seconds on level 10. This was probably the first time that my breathing got heavy while biking. I want to get my speed up so that I can work on my distance. I feel like most people go for time on it, but I always race the clock. Yet, when I was doing the elliptical I couldn't help but focus on distance. The longest distance in the fastest time. I guess either way you do it you still get a workout and still can measure your advancement.
My fiance made a suggestion on the treadmill, to start at an incline. That wasn't the brilliant of ideas. I mean it was a good thing, even a great thing eventually. I tried an incline of 1.0 and did a half mile in 10 minutes and 55 seconds. That means I am slower, but I think after 2.5 miles on the bike plus the incline it's excusable. My legs definitely felt the slight difference as I couldn't actually go as fast. Yesterday I started to vary my speed throughout my workout, instead of a constant speed. I would go from 3.0 speed to 3.3 and hold for a minute. Then go up to 3.5 for a minute, then back down and stay at 3.3 for two minutes. And back and forth. I couldn't even go up to 3.5 speed on the incline today. I did push myself for the last minute and do it at speed of 3.3.
That's it for today I guess. I am kinda anxious to start back with weights and the elliptical. Maybe I will start those back in slowly next week. I am game for any advice or challenges if anyone has any. (Reasonable challenges. Remember, I am a fat kid!!)
~ <3 Kiss My Blarney
The treadmill. A moving yet stationary machine that confuses the hell out of my balance. I usually have balance issues. One ear drum has a permanent hole in it and the other one doesn't equalize pressure correctly. Most times I can fake balance, but apparently exercising, drinking, and being tired are three things that make it so I can't. I am eternally afraid to let go while on the treadmill. I would love, (not love, not severely hate either...) to *TRY* to run on the treadmill. Granted I know that I would be able to run like 10 steps. HA. But, I eventually want to build my endurance and start running. Every time I let go to one hand I start feeling like I am leaning to the side. Either side. If I let go both hands I am practically walking sideways. Right now it isn't the biggest deal in life, I am working on my legs building endurance so that I can work on my lungs and cardio. Any advice?
So today I wanted to try to push myself on the bike. (Not that I hadn't been doing it anyway.) I did two and a half miles on the bike in 11 minutes and 50 seconds on level 10. This was probably the first time that my breathing got heavy while biking. I want to get my speed up so that I can work on my distance. I feel like most people go for time on it, but I always race the clock. Yet, when I was doing the elliptical I couldn't help but focus on distance. The longest distance in the fastest time. I guess either way you do it you still get a workout and still can measure your advancement.
My fiance made a suggestion on the treadmill, to start at an incline. That wasn't the brilliant of ideas. I mean it was a good thing, even a great thing eventually. I tried an incline of 1.0 and did a half mile in 10 minutes and 55 seconds. That means I am slower, but I think after 2.5 miles on the bike plus the incline it's excusable. My legs definitely felt the slight difference as I couldn't actually go as fast. Yesterday I started to vary my speed throughout my workout, instead of a constant speed. I would go from 3.0 speed to 3.3 and hold for a minute. Then go up to 3.5 for a minute, then back down and stay at 3.3 for two minutes. And back and forth. I couldn't even go up to 3.5 speed on the incline today. I did push myself for the last minute and do it at speed of 3.3.
That's it for today I guess. I am kinda anxious to start back with weights and the elliptical. Maybe I will start those back in slowly next week. I am game for any advice or challenges if anyone has any. (Reasonable challenges. Remember, I am a fat kid!!)
~ <3 Kiss My Blarney
Friday, February 1, 2013
Learning will NEVER end
So I am a little worried about getting deeper into exercising. I am afraid to hurt myself. As most of you know already I always seem to be injured. I have two different conditions that I think highly affect my ability to work out, stay healthy, and pretty much do anything else.
Hypermobility. When I was 13 I was sent to a physical therapist for my back. I was having chronic back pain and they found that I had osteoarthritis in my upper spine. At the physical therapist they did some joint tests and figured out that all my joints are hypermobile. Basically I can bend more than I am suppose to. I am more flexible than most people of my size. I am a big girl and I can touch the floor. There are lots of times when I feel my knees give when I walk, my hip can pull itself out of socket slightly when I go up or down stairs, and my ankles are usually swollen because I strained it without knowing. (This goes hand in hand with the fact that some muscle groups are extra tight, like my hamstrings.) I'm not necessarily afraid pulling joints out of socket. Been there, done that, had surgery to fix it. I am more concerned about whether I am going to accidentally strain something. I want to strengthen my muscles, not tear my tendons. But because of the Hypermobility it makes it very hard. My joints are not stable. I can roll my ankle just standing still. My knees go back to far, I don't know where my knees "lock" standing up. And with my recent back strain this concern is getting more and more real. I am ready for a change. I want to be healthier.
The other condition is Raynaud's. Some call it a disease, or syndrome, or even phenomenon. Either way it sucks. Raynaud's is when your blood vessels constrict when cold. I usually am cold. If I sit still for any length of time I will get cold, it could be 80 degrees out. When I get cold I have an "attack." It can be just my hands turning white then blue, or my skin turning purple. Sometimes when it's cold my hands get stiff, like not being able to control it stiff. My fingers are hard to bend and control. I can barely hold pencils or type when it gets too bad. When my hands get stiff they seem to swell up and turn red. If I get too hot my hands swell where I can't grip. I can't open bottles to drink, hold pencils, or do anything that requires tight grip. My feet are a completely different story. My feet are ALWAYS cold. I hate it when my feet get hot or sweaty so I usually never wear socks or shoes unless I'm freezing. My feet are usually blueish or purpleish color, unless they get hot then turn red. I have noticed when I work out my feet go numb sometimes. I think that is because of Raynaud's. It also sucks to get into a warm shower when I am cold. I can't just turn on the hot water and get in. It burns too much. I have to start at lukewarm and go up from there. It hurts to go from really cold to really hot. My hands will get too cold, then go numb. If I go inside a hot building they turn red and get so hot that I can't cool them off. And that change is not comfortable at all. One reaction that I have is my legs and arms itch when I get hot, especially if in a cold room. When I was a kid everyone I asked blamed it on the fact that I was a big kid. Either I was too big and didn't exercise enough, my pores were blocked, or something else. Now I know different. It gets annoying. My friends and I will dance on the xbox and my arms will itch like crazy as they warm up and blood starts flowing. That's more annoying than painful.
I am starting to think that I need to seek medical help to find out safe ways to deal with both of these issues while starting an exercise routine. I don't want to have another joint injury... I am pretty sure the physical therapist and the orthopedic doctor are tired of seeing me by now. And I feel half the time that it's in my head. I know it's not, but I fear that it is sometimes. Put always having joint injuries, plus random accidental injuries, and normal sickness... I'm pretty sure I spend more time at doctors than most "normal" people. With both these issues they can be symptoms of bigger issues. Hopefully they aren't. At this point none of my doctors and specialist feel that they are connected to anything bigger, but that can change as more symptoms come to light.
All I want is to be able to be healthy. If I hurt or feel like a joint is not right, I am not making excuses. I am trying to preserve what is left of my already difficult body.
I am a little worried about people reading this. I tell people who ask, usually about my cold hands, but this is different. I don't want pity about it. And I am severely afraid that people will think I am just making excuses for my size, my health, my workout habits. I know there is a lot of changes that need to be done in my life besides my workouts, like eating habits. But I am going to be doing the best I can. All I ask is peoples support and understanding.
If you would like to read up a little on both of my issues here are two links for each. There are several sites out there with information on both of them.
http://www.nhlbi.nih.gov/health/health-topics/topics/raynaud/
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/raynauds-disease/DS00433
http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/003295.htm
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/hypermobility/AN01646
~ <3 Kiss My Blarney
Hypermobility. When I was 13 I was sent to a physical therapist for my back. I was having chronic back pain and they found that I had osteoarthritis in my upper spine. At the physical therapist they did some joint tests and figured out that all my joints are hypermobile. Basically I can bend more than I am suppose to. I am more flexible than most people of my size. I am a big girl and I can touch the floor. There are lots of times when I feel my knees give when I walk, my hip can pull itself out of socket slightly when I go up or down stairs, and my ankles are usually swollen because I strained it without knowing. (This goes hand in hand with the fact that some muscle groups are extra tight, like my hamstrings.) I'm not necessarily afraid pulling joints out of socket. Been there, done that, had surgery to fix it. I am more concerned about whether I am going to accidentally strain something. I want to strengthen my muscles, not tear my tendons. But because of the Hypermobility it makes it very hard. My joints are not stable. I can roll my ankle just standing still. My knees go back to far, I don't know where my knees "lock" standing up. And with my recent back strain this concern is getting more and more real. I am ready for a change. I want to be healthier.
The other condition is Raynaud's. Some call it a disease, or syndrome, or even phenomenon. Either way it sucks. Raynaud's is when your blood vessels constrict when cold. I usually am cold. If I sit still for any length of time I will get cold, it could be 80 degrees out. When I get cold I have an "attack." It can be just my hands turning white then blue, or my skin turning purple. Sometimes when it's cold my hands get stiff, like not being able to control it stiff. My fingers are hard to bend and control. I can barely hold pencils or type when it gets too bad. When my hands get stiff they seem to swell up and turn red. If I get too hot my hands swell where I can't grip. I can't open bottles to drink, hold pencils, or do anything that requires tight grip. My feet are a completely different story. My feet are ALWAYS cold. I hate it when my feet get hot or sweaty so I usually never wear socks or shoes unless I'm freezing. My feet are usually blueish or purpleish color, unless they get hot then turn red. I have noticed when I work out my feet go numb sometimes. I think that is because of Raynaud's. It also sucks to get into a warm shower when I am cold. I can't just turn on the hot water and get in. It burns too much. I have to start at lukewarm and go up from there. It hurts to go from really cold to really hot. My hands will get too cold, then go numb. If I go inside a hot building they turn red and get so hot that I can't cool them off. And that change is not comfortable at all. One reaction that I have is my legs and arms itch when I get hot, especially if in a cold room. When I was a kid everyone I asked blamed it on the fact that I was a big kid. Either I was too big and didn't exercise enough, my pores were blocked, or something else. Now I know different. It gets annoying. My friends and I will dance on the xbox and my arms will itch like crazy as they warm up and blood starts flowing. That's more annoying than painful.
I am starting to think that I need to seek medical help to find out safe ways to deal with both of these issues while starting an exercise routine. I don't want to have another joint injury... I am pretty sure the physical therapist and the orthopedic doctor are tired of seeing me by now. And I feel half the time that it's in my head. I know it's not, but I fear that it is sometimes. Put always having joint injuries, plus random accidental injuries, and normal sickness... I'm pretty sure I spend more time at doctors than most "normal" people. With both these issues they can be symptoms of bigger issues. Hopefully they aren't. At this point none of my doctors and specialist feel that they are connected to anything bigger, but that can change as more symptoms come to light.
All I want is to be able to be healthy. If I hurt or feel like a joint is not right, I am not making excuses. I am trying to preserve what is left of my already difficult body.
I am a little worried about people reading this. I tell people who ask, usually about my cold hands, but this is different. I don't want pity about it. And I am severely afraid that people will think I am just making excuses for my size, my health, my workout habits. I know there is a lot of changes that need to be done in my life besides my workouts, like eating habits. But I am going to be doing the best I can. All I ask is peoples support and understanding.
If you would like to read up a little on both of my issues here are two links for each. There are several sites out there with information on both of them.
http://www.nhlbi.nih.gov/health/health-topics/topics/raynaud/
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/raynauds-disease/DS00433
http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/003295.htm
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/hypermobility/AN01646
~ <3 Kiss My Blarney
Tuesday, January 29, 2013
Day 3 of working out
At this point in my working out I'm not outright telling everyone. (Yes I know, this is public.) But I feel like the small group that I have supporting me is enough right now. I don't want to have more people to disappoint if I somehow fail at this. That's my fear with this I think, disappointing someone. But you know what? It's time to get over that. I am doing this for me not for anyone else.
It's weird. I look forward to the workouts and I feel great afterward. But during the actual workout I'm not excited yet. I feel kind of bad already. Tomorrow morning I can't workout after work because I have a dentist appointment. I'm half ready to drive back to work (only like 5 miles) after the dentist to go work out, but by then I would have already worked 10 hours. Luckily tonight is my "Friday" so I have my weekend...which I usually use that as a rest time.
I am unsure of what I want to do at this point. I may just have my friend come over and dance with me on the xbox. Although maybe for once I will try it by myself. I have NO motivation alone for some reason. I have had a workout game for my xbox for over a year and have yet to put it in. When friends are over I have no issues playing Just Dance 3, but alone I never put it in. I don't know, maybe my weekend will be a time to change that.
In other news, I feel that I did a good job on my workout. Here is where I am at so far this week.
1/27- I did 1.5 miles on the bike at level 10 in 8 minutes and .75 miles on the treadmill in 20 minutes.
1/28- I did 1 mile on the bike at level 13 in 6.5 minutes, .5 miles on the treadmill in 12 minutes, and then 1 more mile on the bike at level 8 in 6 minutes.
1/29- I did 1 mile on the treadmill in 20 minutes and 2 miles on the bike at level 10 in 12 minutes.
I feel like I have done well. Again though, right now I am varying my workout only between the two machines until my back heals up. And of course lots of stretching. All my joints are more flexible than they should be, my tendons don't hold everything the way they are suppose to. To counteract that I have a few muscles that are extra tight, especially my hamstrings. So after my workouts I try to stretch out my hamstrings and calfs so that I can get more movement and flexibility where I lack that. Which is kind of a conundrum since the rest of my is more flexible than it should be and through working out I am trying to strengthen the muscles around my joints so that I can control the joints better. Oh well, my body is crazy as ever. Got to live with it and figure it out.
~ <3 Kiss My Blarney
It's weird. I look forward to the workouts and I feel great afterward. But during the actual workout I'm not excited yet. I feel kind of bad already. Tomorrow morning I can't workout after work because I have a dentist appointment. I'm half ready to drive back to work (only like 5 miles) after the dentist to go work out, but by then I would have already worked 10 hours. Luckily tonight is my "Friday" so I have my weekend...which I usually use that as a rest time.
I am unsure of what I want to do at this point. I may just have my friend come over and dance with me on the xbox. Although maybe for once I will try it by myself. I have NO motivation alone for some reason. I have had a workout game for my xbox for over a year and have yet to put it in. When friends are over I have no issues playing Just Dance 3, but alone I never put it in. I don't know, maybe my weekend will be a time to change that.
In other news, I feel that I did a good job on my workout. Here is where I am at so far this week.
1/27- I did 1.5 miles on the bike at level 10 in 8 minutes and .75 miles on the treadmill in 20 minutes.
1/28- I did 1 mile on the bike at level 13 in 6.5 minutes, .5 miles on the treadmill in 12 minutes, and then 1 more mile on the bike at level 8 in 6 minutes.
1/29- I did 1 mile on the treadmill in 20 minutes and 2 miles on the bike at level 10 in 12 minutes.
I feel like I have done well. Again though, right now I am varying my workout only between the two machines until my back heals up. And of course lots of stretching. All my joints are more flexible than they should be, my tendons don't hold everything the way they are suppose to. To counteract that I have a few muscles that are extra tight, especially my hamstrings. So after my workouts I try to stretch out my hamstrings and calfs so that I can get more movement and flexibility where I lack that. Which is kind of a conundrum since the rest of my is more flexible than it should be and through working out I am trying to strengthen the muscles around my joints so that I can control the joints better. Oh well, my body is crazy as ever. Got to live with it and figure it out.
~ <3 Kiss My Blarney
Monday, January 28, 2013
So... It's been awhile...
Derby. I love Derby. But at this point in time it doesn't love me. I haven't been to derby in a long time and I don't know what to do anyway. I took time off to focus on myself, my boyfriend, and my health. In that time the derby team I skated with split. I don't know the whole story, but I do know that a lot of the girls left. It's drama. Drama always happens with a group of people. But I have tried not to focus on it. I feel damned if I do damned if I don't at this point either stay with my team or not. I am going to take the opportunity to work on me. I will eventually end up back with derby in some way. I am determined. I miss skating so much and everything derby still completely attracts me.
Let me start by saying I HATE new years resolutions. Why make a goal that most people can't stand by. So this is NOT a new years resolution. But for now I am working on me. I have started working out again at work. I am going to use this blog as a recording place for my workouts, my thoughts, my fears, and anything else. At this point I have worked out two days. It's been about three months since I was working out and surprisingly I missed it. I had no idea that I would have missed it as much as I did. I look forward to it. My goals aren't to become skinny. I say that, but yes it is always in the back of my mind. I want to be stronger, healthier, and better. Better than I am now.
At this point I am not changing my diet other than trying to be smart about my snack choices, the amount I eat, and just conscious of my eating habits. I did stop going to Weight Watchers. It was not the right time in my life for me and it wasn't working. I didn't have the support I needed at the meetings in a close friend and waking up in the middle of my sleep schedule to drive to work for a 20 minute meeting then to drive home then back to work. It wasn't good to screw up my already finicky sleep schedule.
I am logging my workouts in a notebook, not to schedule what I am doing, but to keep track of where I have come from. So as of right now what I might do is either post a few days at a time or post them as I do them. I will probably vary it depending on what my days are like. For now I am also working out slowly. I can't get away from injuries even when I am not active... I have sprained the muscles in my lower back that support my spine. It sucks. I have been taking pain medicine to get through the day and muscle relaxers when I have no place to be and can sleep. My doctor said it was okay to workout, just take it easy until my back has healed all the way. I am basically just doing the bike and treadmill. I will pick the elliptical and free weights back up when my back stops hurting and having spasms. I feel like a failure by not doing them right now, but I really need to focus on that it's not what I can't do, it's that I do what I can. And that something is better than nothing.
On a different note....
For those that don't know, I am engaged!!! I'm getting married in 23 days from today :) I am super excited for my life coming up and to make the step toward forever. My fiance is the greatest guy I could ever imagine and he has my heart completely. I don't doubt for a second that he is the one for me. Okay, okay, enough sappiness. :)
~ <3 Kiss My Blarney
Let me start by saying I HATE new years resolutions. Why make a goal that most people can't stand by. So this is NOT a new years resolution. But for now I am working on me. I have started working out again at work. I am going to use this blog as a recording place for my workouts, my thoughts, my fears, and anything else. At this point I have worked out two days. It's been about three months since I was working out and surprisingly I missed it. I had no idea that I would have missed it as much as I did. I look forward to it. My goals aren't to become skinny. I say that, but yes it is always in the back of my mind. I want to be stronger, healthier, and better. Better than I am now.
At this point I am not changing my diet other than trying to be smart about my snack choices, the amount I eat, and just conscious of my eating habits. I did stop going to Weight Watchers. It was not the right time in my life for me and it wasn't working. I didn't have the support I needed at the meetings in a close friend and waking up in the middle of my sleep schedule to drive to work for a 20 minute meeting then to drive home then back to work. It wasn't good to screw up my already finicky sleep schedule.
I am logging my workouts in a notebook, not to schedule what I am doing, but to keep track of where I have come from. So as of right now what I might do is either post a few days at a time or post them as I do them. I will probably vary it depending on what my days are like. For now I am also working out slowly. I can't get away from injuries even when I am not active... I have sprained the muscles in my lower back that support my spine. It sucks. I have been taking pain medicine to get through the day and muscle relaxers when I have no place to be and can sleep. My doctor said it was okay to workout, just take it easy until my back has healed all the way. I am basically just doing the bike and treadmill. I will pick the elliptical and free weights back up when my back stops hurting and having spasms. I feel like a failure by not doing them right now, but I really need to focus on that it's not what I can't do, it's that I do what I can. And that something is better than nothing.
On a different note....
For those that don't know, I am engaged!!! I'm getting married in 23 days from today :) I am super excited for my life coming up and to make the step toward forever. My fiance is the greatest guy I could ever imagine and he has my heart completely. I don't doubt for a second that he is the one for me. Okay, okay, enough sappiness. :)
~ <3 Kiss My Blarney
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