Getting Better

When I used to play softball, before every game, I would get nervous. My heart would beat fast, my chest felt like it was bandaged tightly, and my stomach would have butterflies in it. For about an hour before until the game started and then every time I went up to bat. This is how I feel the hour before EVERY derby practice. I think I have figured out why though. I strive to do well, to not look stupid or fat, not fall on my butt repeatedly, and most of all to make my team proud. But I have noticed that at the beginning of our practice when we do our off skates workout it gets rid of those jitters and I am able to do a little better.

Thankfully, tonight Femme Reaper asked our workout leader to chill a bit and not do the four lengths of iron mikes across the rink. (We had so many falls after that workout...nobody could stand upright.) So the workout wasn't easy, but it wasn't a killer either. Then we started skating. Luckily there was another newby there tonight. So I wasn't alone in the middle of the rink practicing my skills that everyone else has down. But I was proud tonight!! I am finally starting to feel more confident in myself and in my skates. I think things are starting to come back. I haven't fully mastered my T-stops, but I am much closer in being comfortable doing them. I apparently can still do a tight turn and can still stop by turning. Which seems to be the only thing my feet remember how to do without me being off balance. And then it comes 'down' to the T-stop; Trying something that I used to do all the time. Something that I had to completely relearn. My body doesn't put my feet like that anymore. There isn't a single stance like that in karate, at least not with feet both flat on the ground and your weight on the front foot. O_o So anyway, I was practicing this move over and over and getting more comfortable. Then I start to second guess myself, I loose my confidence, my balance, and I looked down. If there is one thing that anyone teaches you, it's DON'T LOOK DOWN. It will completely set you off balance. So I did. Of course. And what happened? I wiped out and fell on my right butt cheek. Of course the one that is bruised from last practice. It wouldn't, couldn't be the other side. Nope, the right butt cheek is apparently my strong side, my go to side when it comes to falls. Oh joy.

But anyway, what is the biggest fear when you fall on skates? That you would fall while trying to get back up. Yup. Not a fear when it happens. That is when you give up, lay down for a second and just laugh at yourself. I think I scared them though. This crazy person just fell twice on the same spot and she is laying there laughing? Yup, I sure did and sure was. But I got back up and did some more. Yeah it hurt, but not enough to make me want to stop. For that to happen I have to almost break something, or actually break it. Although when I have broken bones and joints I don't think I cried even half the time. Guess that is something I will either never find out, or find out soon enough.

I do wish I was at the same level the other girls are. They were doing a GREAT job. They learned how to shoulder and hip check each other, how to pull themselves around a team mate, how to whip someone, and how to push. And they were jumping over broomsticks. The biggest kicker was when Polly Pounder laid down and had the girls jump her. I wasn't comfortable enough to jump the broom, and I sure as hell wasn't going to try jumping Polly. I know I would have planted a brand new skate dead into a rib.

I must say, even though I am not up there with the girls they are the most supportive team I have ever been apart of. It doesn't matter that I don't have the skills yet like them, that will come. But they are happy that I show up, do what I can, and keep trying. That is the biggest support system I have ever had. I am so thankful for this sport and for them. Keep it real! Next practice is sure to be even more entertaining.

~ <3 Kiss My Blarney